Graduality

By Bob Hansen

Man Detective here, with another report on the ways of women.

Information has reached me about a secret technique formerly unrecognized by men. In fact, it was a female informant who revealed this method that has been so successful—up to this point.

Men, prepared to be shocked as I revel her true story.

When this woman purchases a new dress, she leaves the package in the car until her husband isn’t around. Then she sneaks it into the house and hides it somewhere he isn’t likely to go—like the laundry room.

A couple of weeks later, she hangs the dress in the closet where he can see it in passing. That way it begins to find a place in his subconscious mind. The final step takes place two months later when she actually wears the dress.

This informant told me that usually her husband says nothing, though sometimes he has a quizzical look on his face. If he does comment, it’s something like, “Is that a new dress, Dear?”

To which his wife responds, “This old thing? I’ve had this dress for ages.”

Astonishing!

When confronted with this account, my wife acknowledged that she has heard of the technique, but she didn’t offer anything further.

Men, what are we to do? Admittedly, this is a cunning strategy, one that plays into our natural tendencies to ignore the specifics of fashion. Is there any hope we can device a counter measure? It seems unlikely.

Perhaps the best approach is to learn from these clever women and use the same techniques ourselves. Example: let’s say that you’ve been wanting to buy a new boat, but you figure your wife won’t see the vital importance of such a purchase. Using the above method you would proceed in the following manner: Purchase the vessel and bring it home when your wife isn’t around. Disguise it with brush and tree branches as you park it somewhere she doesn’t often go, like near the yard tools, the lawnmower, or the garbage cans.

Then, as the weeks go by, start un-disguising it, little by little. That way she will gradually, subconsciously, become accustomed to the boat’s presence.

This will require great patience, men. It is only after a minimum of three months that you can begin to inch your uncovered, prized possession into full view, a process that will require an additional month.

If, along the way, she should ask, “Honey, is that a new boat?”
You may rightly respond, according to the very technique she taught you, “That old thing? Why I’ve had it for ages.”

In all honesty, I can’t recommend these techniques. But occurs to me that there is someone else who understands “graduality.” He seeks to slip things into our lives, little by little, with no big splash. In that way we become familiar with the new item (attitude, habit, action) and don’t object to its presence.

Mistake!

Don’t let the enemy fool you!