Try a little kindness

By Bill & Pam Farrel

For our new book, 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make, we interviewed couples who had been happily married for over 20 years. Because we personally know many of the couples (so we know they have happy relationships), what struck us is the way they talked to each other and about each other. They were just kind!

Being kind and saying kind things is foreign to many couples. Some homes didn’t train in assertive attentive kindness. Some well meaning parents just get busy and forget to affirm. Others were raised with stability but not affirmation. There was the assumption, “of course I love you” but maybe your parents never said it or showed physical affirmation. Still others were raised by mean, hostile, critical parents so being unkind and uncaring seems normal. Try using some of these affirming, encouraging terms to bring a bit more kindness to your home:

It is so nice to have you around.

I am a better person with you in my life.

I can’t imagine my life without you.

Just being with you makes me smile.

I love you.

I value you.

I appreciate you.

I adore you.

I think you are one of the most (loving, caring, affirming, etc) people I have ever known.

You make me, me!

We’re a good team.

There’s not enough time in the day to love you.

I wish I was independently wealthy, I’d stay home and love you all day long.

You are beautiful (gorgeous, handsome, strong, etc)

I feel beautiful (handsome) when I am with you.

I thank God for you.

I am not the same with out you.

Life is sweeter with you in my world.

Yes, even a corny movie line like, “You complete me,” can be effective in the right setting. One couple’s advice to newlyweds sums this concept up: “BE NICE! If it is not nice to say or do—don’t do it. You should be the nicest person to your spouse, not just to strangers or friends.”  My sister in law advises, “Treat your spouse like company!” God confirms this good advice with the simple, “Love one another.” In kindergarten we all learned the Golden Rule (which comes from the Bible), “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. We are fully convinced the divorce rate would plummet if people were just nice to one another in marriage. Today, make it your goal to be as nice as you possibly can be to everyone in your path, especially your mate.