Perspectives
on the Landscape of Life
By
DJ Note
Face
It!
Let’s
face it, relationships are hard, but the marriage relationship is among the
toughest. It requires the most effort because it provides the greatest benefits.
A
pretty wholesome young woman stood across the counter from me with tears in her
eyes. She placed a ‘single parenting’ book on the counter between us and said,
“I’d like to return this.” Her husband was having second thoughts and wanted to
“try” again. My heart embraced this young wife and mother of four who was
experiencing life at its ebb. Every relationship has its ebb and flow, but it’s
how we ride the wave that counts.
I
often use my folk’s marriage as an example because I’m so proud of them. Not
because they’ve had a perfect marriage…far from it, but because they’ve stayed
the course for over 68 years.
In
their 90’s now, Mom and Dad have weathered some pretty dastardly storms during
the past half century or so. At times the waters were so fierce, their marriage
boat nearly capsized. Sometimes fog rolled in so thick, they were unable to
navigate their way and lost each other momentarily. Still other times, the
torrents beat down with such vengeance the vow they’d pledged, when they were
but unsullied buds on the vine, was nearly lost.
Yet
something held them together. More than sheer determination and grit, something
kept them from throwing away all they’d built together over the years. It was
hard earned character, “the set of qualities that make one distinctive,” at its
best.
Godly
character doesn’t come easily. It goes against our sinful grain. Good character
builds upon the smallest of decisions like picking your battles, putting
another’s needs above your own, exercising patience when anger threatens, offering
your spouse undivided attention when you’d rather be watching that television
special.
It
bears repeating, “The glory of a good marriage comes not at the beginning, but
at the end.” At the end, where time has proven your endurance; at the end, when
others look to you for advise and direction; at the end, when your adult
children express the desire to attain the same kind of marriage “that mom and
dad modeled.”
In
the movie, Fireproof, salt and
peppershakers are glued together creating one, inseparable unit. “Caleb, when
two people get married it’s for better OR
for worse, for richer OR poorer, in
sickness AND in health. The sad part
about it is, when most people promise for better or for worse, they really only
mean for better.”
When
Caleb attempts to pull the shakers apart, he’s warned, “Don’t do it, Caleb. If
you pull them apart now you’ll break either one or both of them.” A truer
statement has never been spoken. Far too many today are among the walking
wounded.
Back
at the counter, hands clasped as we prayed for God’s guidance and direction
concerning the young woman’s marriage. As she walked away, I asked God to spare
this relationship and reunite them under the headship of Christ. But I didn’t
stop there. Remaining nameless, I recruited others that afternoon to remember
this young couple in their prayers.
Our
marriages should be, must be, daily examples of Christ’s love for His church to
a dying world. If the church won’t fight, who will? Captain Michael Simmons, of
Fireproof, said it best. “You can’t
just follow your heart. Your heart can be deceived. You have to lead your
heart.”
Will
you?
Deborah J. Note writes from Eagle Point, Oregon.