Ma & Me
By Brother Garry

Ma is a pretty common name that can represent someone as good as my grandma, who all 42 grandchildren called, “Ma,” or as infamous as the gangster Ma Barker.  Let me tell you of one Ma in my life who was not my grandmother yet was closer than a mother.  She always seemed to show up when I least wanted her around and had advice I least wanted to hear.  She might be a good teacher, but her lessons were brutal.
Like the time a classmate tried to bully me out of my lunch money.  Ma told me to stand up to him, but I chose to give him my money in hopes he would go away.  He didn’t, the next day he wanted my money again.  Ma told me it was going to be tougher, but stand up to him. I did and he hit me.  I hit him back and knocked him down.  She told me to stand there and warn him to never do that again, but I was mad and jumped on him and was wailing the tar out of him when his big brother came by.  My puffy eye and split lip hurt for a week, but not near as much as Ma asking me, “Did you learn something from your foolish choice?”
Another time I won the checker tournament in our classroom and I flaunted my victory.  Ma strongly suggested I should be a gracious winner, but I called Joey, who took second place, “The first place loser,” and I really poured it on.  When the first and second place classroom winners competed in the school tournament I went out in the first round.  Guess who won the whole tournament?  That’s right, Joey.  Boy did I eat crow and Ma made me eat every bite.
She just wouldn’t go away.  As a teen I was so taken with Susan I thought I would die.  Of course every guy in my grade was crazy for Susan, so in spite of Ma’s advice I did every stupid thing I could think of to get her attention.  When one of Susan’s girlfriends said to me, “You know Garry, Susan thought you were kind of cute until you started doing all those immature stunts,” my little heart broke and Ma threw salt in the wound by saying the next time I ought to listen.
Ma still hangs around and even though I’m an old man she still whispers advice to me.  Like the other day in the car, this guy tailgated me at high speed.  There was no place to get over and oncoming traffic prevented him from passing for a couple of miles.  When he passed, he scowled at me and his lips were moving.  Ma whispered, “Smile and wave with all your fingers showing.”  This time I followed her advice.
You may know old Ma, her whole name is Maturity and her wisdom can be tough on the ego.

Brother Garry writes from Washington State. writeongarry@gmail.com