What is the Marriage Code?

Pam Farrel

Codes are all around us and we have a code for just about everything these days. We have access codes for gates, bank accounts, personal computers, professional workstations and websites. In our daily lives, we gain directions from Global Positioning Systems, we see bar codes on everything we buy and we have become comfortable with credit cards that contain vital information on magnetic strips. The military uses codes to keep our nation safe. Businesses use codes to track clients, forecast buying patterns and safeguard professional intelligence. Codes come in all shapes and sizes and can be very useful in helping us gain confidence and information. However, the decoding process is not always easy.

You may be asking the question at this point, “Why do we need a code to figure each other out? Can’t it just be simple? Can’t we discover a rhythm for our relationship and stay in that rhythm?” We hate to have to say to you that it is just not that simplistic. You are very different from one another and you have different needs at the core of who you are. So, just what are these core needs? Every person has the need to be secure and to be successful. Security is the belief that it is safe to be who I am. Success is the belief that my life is workable. Both genders need both security and success, but if a man is forced to choose between the two, he will elect success. If a woman listed her top need it would be security.

As a result, the marriage code is counterintuitive. The username and password that will give men access to a workable relationship with his wife is:

Username: Husband

Password: Security

The marriage code goes active when men learn to enter “security” as the password. He does this when he makes it his ambition to meet his wife’s security need first in all things. Any time she gets the message from him, “You are safe with me and it is alright to be who you are right now,” her heart is drawn toward him and she relaxes in the relationship. It is a learned skill for men because it goes against our instincts.

The username and password that will give women access to a secure relationship with her husband is:

Username: Wife

Password: Success

The marriage code goes active when women learn to enter “success” as the password. She does this when she makes it her ambition to create an environment where her husband can “succeed” with her. Any time he gets the message from her, “I love the way you live and I love the way you love me,” his heart is drawn toward her and he gains confidence in the relationship

How does it work in real life? The Marriage Code concept, book and study guide all became a reality when we began to observe what couples really needed was a code, a practical, sure fire way to gain access into each other’s heart. Then it hit us. Most marriages fall short because each person either doesn’t know how or doesn’t want to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit.

Pam Farrel writes from El Cajon, California. The Marriage Code releases fall 09. To preorder a copy go to www.farrelcommunications.com . Pam and Bill Farrel are international speakers, relationship specialists and authors of over 30 books including Men are like Waffles, women are like Spaghetti.