A Confused Mind, A Transformed Heart

By Marlene K. Yundt

“I cannot believe God would love me.”

Timothy longed to know the Savior; but his deeply confused mind would not allow him to understand how anyone could love him.

It was a routine week interrupted by a very rare mid-week prayer and praise meeting at our tiny hometown church. Immediately, I noticed a young disheveled-looking man sitting at the end of one of the aisles. His head sagged. He was unshaven, ragged and smelly. He looked like he had not slept for days.

After the service, most of the people avoided contact with Tim. One stalwart man of the church gave him a couple of dollars and moved on.

“I’m Marlene,” I said, staring into his tired eyes. “I don’t believe we have met.”

H gave me a quick look and a weak smile.

“What is your name?”

“Timothy. Just call me Tim.”

“Tim, my husband and I are going out for a bite to eat at Shari’s restaurant. Would you like to join us?”

Tim shook his head affirming that he would and followed. He ate a full meal and dessert followed by a milkshake. He must have been starving. I wondered how many days it had been since he had eaten his fill. In spite of our awkward situation, we conversed among us, making small talk.

Tim took us up on our open invitation and dropped by the house many times. He ate and; over time, began to open up about his life. Tim was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic – un-medicated. He would go through several repetitive stages of behavior. Yet, there was always a day or two during these cycles when he was coherent and approachable.

He talked about his church background and how he attended each Sunday during his childhood. He remembered it as a positive experience. He also recalled the contradiction of returning home to an angry and explosive father.

“I never saw love in my home.” Tim said his parents argued constantly and eventually divorced.

“Tim, do you ever remember inviting Jesus Christ into your life as your Savior and Lord when you were going to church as a youngster?” I inquired

“No.” Tim quietly responded, his head down and pain etched across his forehead.

“What kept you from asking Christ into your life and heart, Tim?” I asked

“God could never love me.” Tim said

For twelve hours one Sunday, I read passages from God’s Word about His love and offer of salvation – until I was too hoarse to continue. Tim seemed to absorb every word like a sponge.

“Tim, what has God told you about His love for you?” I asked.

“He loves me.” Tim said.

“Tim, what keeps you from believing it? Do you believe God loves you enough for you to trust Him with your heart and your life?”

I could feel the Spirit of God moving in that quiet moment. I also believed that the time for Tim’s response was timely and that he could soon continue to the next stage of his cycle of illness.

Tim wept. As I said the prayer of salvation, he repeated it after me. I gave him a big hug and read the passage about God’s assurance of salvation: I John 5:11-13. Tim continued to absorb passages about God’s love for him.

A Christian man later laughed at the possibility of such a person in his mental state ever being capable of accepting Christ. When I said he had, the man inquired, “Which one?” His thoughtless words stung my spirit.

Some of the things that helped Tim is his appetite for reading and his desire for physical exercise. When he came to our home, he was a green belt. When he left a year and a half later, he had accomplished his goal of being a black belt.

Tim will never be any different in his mental state while on this earth – unless God heals his confused mind. But, his heart has been transformed!

Marlene K. Yundt writes from Portland, Oregon. marlene.yundt@comcast.net