Falling Back in Love

By Kathy Collard Miller

As we waited in the doctor's office wondering if my husband Larry's melanoma (the deadliest kind of skin cancer) had spread, I said, "I'm glad this didn't happen when our marriage was shaky.” God healed our relationship through these concepts.

Cycle of Love

We recognized that every marriage repeatedly travels through a cycle of romance, disillusionment, and joy. After the honeymoon, disillusionment set in as Larry worked two jobs and was never home. I hated him! Yet God whispered in my heart, "Tell Larry you love him." I refused because it wasn't true. Then God said, "Then think it the next time you see him." I agreed because Larry wouldn't hear me.

Later, I stared him straight in the eye, gulped, and thought, I love you. I paused ...but I don't really.

Choosing love changed my attitude. I saw his good qualities. Soon, loving feelings returned. Eventually, God changed Larry's heart also, and we were united in love again.

Going from disillusionment to joy requires a decision to love even without loving feelings.

Boredom

One Friday evening, my friends, Linda and Tammy, took their husbands out to fast food. When the men came with the food, Linda and Tammy had already set the outdoor picnic table with a white tablecloth, candles, china and silverware. Then the wives announced they'd planned a weekend away and all the men's responsibilities were canceled. Sunday afternoon, they all returned full of love.

What could you plan within the next week or month that could jump start you out of boredom's rut?

Understand Differences

You might love activity but your spouse prefers a quiet evening at home. You might make quick decisions but your mate is more thoughtful. When our spouse is different, we can easily be critical. But that's the way God made your mate! What we forget is that we married the opposite, unconsciously desiring a person who would complement our weaknesses and give us balance.

Understanding and celebrating our differences can diminish our "falling out of love" feelings because different isn't necessarily wrong.

Don't Major on the Minors

When Larry’s life was in danger from cancer, small tensions seemed unimportant. Now that Larry's life is safe, small matters can again make me disillusioned. Then I remind myself, Am I making a big deal out of something unimportant? Obviously, we do need to resolve issues, but we should ask ourselves, "Will this be important in a year? In eternity?" We should concentrate on the truly important.

As we near 40 years of marriage, Larry and I enjoy a vitality and unity that I once thought was impossible. Though we travel repeatedly through romance, disillusionment and joy, we major on the majors, appreciate our differences, and prevent boredom. Even if we “fall” out of love, God can strengthen us to make a decision to love. Then the feelings of love will follow.

Kathy Collard Miller writes from Indio, California. Kathyspeak@dc.rr.com

www.KathyCollardMiller.com