SUBMIT TO HIM?

By Marion Turnbull

Recently I was at a wedding in England, listening to those beautiful words, “Will you take this man to be your lawful, wedded husband?” The bride smiled into the eyes of her young man and said clearly, “I will love, honour and submit myself to him.” Some ladies’ eyebrows rose!

At home, I looked in the dictionary. Submit means “to take a position under”, like an army officer under a higher officer. Both officers (or wives and husbands) are accountable to a Higher Authority. Yes, I once knew a dominating husband whose wife was allowed no mind of her own. The marriage ended in bitterness.

Let’s face it, marriage needs a bit of loving spice. Two people, with minds of their own, living together, must work out together the best way to, say, raise children, or manage money - even more important when parents come from different cultures.

We make little decisions all day long, but, when couples seriously disagree over big issues, who makes the final decision? Suppose he is offered a better job which means moving the home. She is reluctant to leave her relations, but he is sure she will cope in a new neighborhood. In my experience, she can happily submit to his judgment – without too much grumbling. Or, perhaps, the wife is getting so involved in business or church work, that the children are seriously neglected. She should listen to him.

We stayed in a country where, traditionally, the wife’s mother rules and it is hard for a man to lead his family. His wife’s willing co-operation becomes the key.

MEN AND WOMEN

Some men are a bit ‘laid back’: some women are bossy and capable. But the Bible says:

“Wives submit to your husbands in the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body.“

“Each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” – Ephesians 5

So, he must take responsibility, and love her - being loved makes it easier for her to follow. But loved or not, it’s good to respect him – and let him lead. Sometimes that takes faith in God, but the results may be wonderful.

I must admit I need my husband’s down-to-earth commonsense approach sometimes. Some women think their pastor is wonderful and their own husband ‘uninspired,’ but God asks us to respect our husbands.

Of course, there are difficult husbands. In that case, suffering in silence may be misplaced loyalty, and talking with a counselor is necessary. But even a bad husband should have respect from his wife - it may be just what he needs!

Marriages are made in heaven? True! Earthly marriage is just a picture of that eternal marriage of Christ with His Church. The picture (my marriage) is not perfect, but still wonderful.

A husband is expected to be like Jesus to his wife. The man whose wife supports him in this is blessed indeed, and so is she.

Marion Turnbull writes from Manchester, United Kingdom. amturnbull@talktalk.net