PLEASE TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher. “They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel , the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried. The dispatcher said, 'Stay calm. An officer is on the way. A few minutes later, the officer radios in. 'Disregard.' He says. 'She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

Three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, live in a house together. One night the 96-year-old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters: 'Was I  getting in or out of the bath?' The 94-year-old yells back, 'I don't  know. I'll come up and
 see.' She starts up the stairs and pauses 'Was I  going up the stairs or down? The 92-year-old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea and listening to her sisters. She shakes her head  and says, 'I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood.' She  then yells, 'I'll come up and help Both of you as soon as I see who's  at the door.'

Three retirees,  each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the Other, 'Windy, isn't it?' 'No,' the second man replied, 'it's Thursday.' And the third man chimed in, 'So am I. Let's get a drink.'

Two elderly ladies had been  friends for many decades.  Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.  Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.
One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, 'Now don't get mad at me. I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is.’

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, 'How soon do you need to know?'

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.  Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, 'Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!' 'Heck,' said Herman, 'It's not just one car It's hundreds of them!