Getting Old

By Bob Hansen

I might be getting close—but I’m not old yet.

In life there are three indicators to determine if you are old or young. The big three, as I call them, fit into the sentence, “I will know I’m old when _____.”

# 1—I will know I’m old when I look for the elevator first, instead of the stairs. Based on this indicator, I’m still young. I don’t mean to imply that I take the stairs in a skyscraper, but in a two or three story building, I still go for the steps, often taking them two at a time. Impressive, yes?

One day, far in the future, I suppose I will make excuses and search for the elevator. But it will not be this day.

# 2—I will know I’m old when any newly purchased car must be an automatic. Manual transmissions are easier on the gas bill, so we have always bought cars with manual transmissions. Recently, when one of our vehicles met an untimely death, I was tempted to buy an automatic. It was enticed to think about no shifting, or not having to work the clutch while creeping along in heavy traffic. Then there’s the hassle of tricky starts and stops on steep hills.

I was tempted. Fortunately, I remembered the verse about God not allowing us to be tempted beyond our ability to resist. I came through the incident, my youth still intact.

# 3—I will know I’m old when I give in to the recliner. My record on this indicator is less than stellar. When we inherited a recliner, I tried it out—strictly for research purposes. As soon as I sat down, I was sucked into its enfolding softness. Oh, the comfort. Oh, the luxury, the sense of floating upon a sleepy cloud. I was barely able to pull myself back from the brink. “No! No!” I shouted, startling my wife. “You can’t have me yet!”

In the nick of time, sanity returned and I moved the recliner to a room where I seldom go. From that remote location, the recliner occasionally calls to me. But, its pleasure are for my golden year, not for now, while I am still, definitely, beyond any doubt, young.

I don’t mean to slander old age. In fact I look forward to it. On rare occasions I glimpse it on the far horizon and I say, “One day I will reside there. One day I will be gray with wisdom. Young men will sit at my feet, waiting for sage jewels to dribble from my lips.”

Job 12:12 says: “Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days.” Yes, the Bible rightly honors the aged. On day, I will accept that honor—one day.

Bob Hansen writes from Chehalis, Washington. Bobhansen6@juno.com